With most things in life, you learn by doing. The perfect omelette, parking a car, playing chess, sex. The more you do it, the more you learn, the better you get (though my wife may argue the last point). This concept certainly holds true for riding a bicycle, too. Well beyond the initial wobbly pedal strokes, dealing with a sore derriere and fixing a flat on the first try, the “newbie” crosses an invisible line and becomes a true cyclist. You just know things about riding and bikes and etiquette and the cycling lifestyle that “civilians” don’t.
The subject of this post is hardly original. There are plenty of places you can find “you know you’re a cyclist when…” examples, such as here and here and here. I just thought I’d add to the list with these:
You know you’re a cyclist when you have a dark spots on your forehead that are the exact size and shape of the front air vents in your helmet.
You know you’re a cyclist when your wardrobe consists mainly of riding event t-shirts (the back is covered in tiny logos).
You know you’re a cyclist when you can reach down for your water bottle, take a drink, and then put it back without taking your eyes off the road or stop pedaling.
You know you’re a cyclist when you have tan lines on the back of your hands.
You know you’re a cyclist when your legs have less hair than your wife’s or girlfriend’s.
You know you’re a cyclist when you start a ride in the rain.
You know you’re a cyclist when it’s more painful to walk down a flight of stairs after a ride than it is to walk up.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can justify spending thousands of dollars and countless hours in pursuit of a medal worth less than your spare tube.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can roll off and clip in without looking down.
You know you’re a cyclist when you blow out a front tire, fix it, and still have the nerve to charge the next descent.
You know you’re a cyclist when you have the upper body of Natalie Portman.
You know you’re a cyclist when your road rash scars have road rash scars.
You know you’re a cyclist when you have a cupboard filled with VHS tapes of ancient races.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can tell someone exactly what your saddle height should be, without pulling out a tape measure.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can brush debris off your tires without slowing down.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can fix a flat in under five minutes, without tools.
You know you’re a cyclist when your bike is consistently cleaner than your car.
You know you’re a cyclist when you’ve outsprinted a Doberman.
You know you’re a cyclist when one or both collarbones has more zig zags than a stock market report.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can properly pronounce Guerciotti.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can put on or take off a windbreaker without stopping.
You know you’re a cyclist when you know what “on the rivet” means.
You know you’re a cyclist when everything facing forward is covered in bugs, and you’re not grossed out.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can bunnyhop roadkill.
You know you’re a cyclist when your pantry has its own wing for drink powders, gels and bars.
You know you’re a cyclist when you can convert miles into kilometers, and vice versa, without a calculator.
You know you’re a cyclist when you watch The Weather Channel more than anything else on TV.
You know you’re a cyclist when getting up at 5:30 on Sunday is so much easier than 7:30 on a Monday.
You know you’re a cyclist when you know what “embrocation” is.
You know you’re a cyclist when your work output drops significantly during the month of July.
You know you’re a cyclist when you know your anaerobic threshold (or even what that is).
You know you’re a cyclist when your DVR is filled with race event coverage dating back to 2008.
You know you’re a cyclist when that thigh muscle just above your knee practically hides your kneecap.
You know you’re a cyclist when you ask someone to use that term instead of “biker.”
Did I miss any?
